Living with BPD often means experiencing intense mood swings. These shifts can make friendships feel tricky at times. You might worry about overreacting, pushing people away, or feeling hurt when someone else does something minor.
The good news is that with awareness, skills and small strategies, it is possible to maintain close, meaningful friendships even during emotional ups and downs.
This article gives practical advice on how to keep friendships healthy and supportive while managing your emotions.
This article covers:
- How your friends could change your mood
- How your friends could see your mood swings
- Strategies to manage your emotions
- Communication tips
- When to ask for extra support
How your friends could change your mood
Mood swings can be set off by small moments that feel bigger when you have BPD. These triggers often happen without warning and can shift your emotions fast. Some common triggers include:
- Feeling ignored if a friend replies late or gets distracted
- A change in tone or body language that feels like rejection
- Jokes or comments that feel too personal or critical
- Seeing friends bond with others and feeling left out
- Sudden plan changes or cancellations
- Feeling like you are putting in more effort than they are
- Worrying that you said or did something wrong
- Feeling overwhelmed in busy social situations
- Comparing yourself to others in the group
- Not knowing where you stand in the friendship
None of these triggers mean your reactions are “over the top”. They show how sensitive your emotional system is. Understanding what sets off your mood can help you spot early signs and use coping skills before things build up.How your friends might see your mood swings
How your friends could see your mood swings
On the flipside, your friends might see your mood swings differently from you. BPD can make emotions feel intense and fast-moving. One moment you might feel close and connected, and the next moment you feel hurt, angry or abandoned. These emotional shifts can make interactions feel unpredictable, both for you and your friends.
Friends might:
- Misunderstand sudden emotional changes
- Feel unsure how to respond to strong reactions
- Pull back if they feel overwhelmed
Recognising this pattern is the first step to maintaining friendships.
Strategies to manage your emotions
You do not have to control every feeling, but you can manage how you respond:
- Take a few breaths or a short walk before replying to upsetting messages or comments
- Use grounding techniques to focus on your senses or do a short mindfulness exercise
- Keep a moody diary so you can track your feelings and notice triggers or patterns
- Practice coping skills such as DBT, MBT or use self-help books to strengthen your resilience
Communication tips
Open and honest communication can help prevent misunderstandings:
- Let friends know your moods can change very quickly
- Say how you feel using “I feel” statements, not blame
- Say sorry if you react strongly to something a friend says or does
- Ask friends to be patient and check in with you
- Share when you are feeling more stable or using coping skills
When to ask for extra support
Friendships are important, but extra support helps when moods feel overwhelming.
- A therapist or counsellor can help you process emotions and plan strategies for relationships
- Support groups can provide understanding and ideas without relying solely on friends
- A trusted family member can offer perspective when moods feel intense
It’s okay to rely on more than one source of support. Your friends are part of your network, but they don’t have to carry everything alone.
Summary: Maintaining friendships during mood swings
Mood swings can make friendships challenging, but understanding your emotions, practising coping skills, and communicating openly can strengthen relationships. Pausing before reacting, using grounding techniques, and setting clear expectations with friends reduces misunderstandings.
Extra support from therapists, support groups, or family members ensures you maintain healthy connections while taking care of yourself.
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