If someone you care about has borderline personality disorder (BPD), you probably already know how complicated things can feel. Relationships can be intense, emotions can run high and it’s not always clear how to help. At times, you might wonder whether you should encourage them to get professional support — and if so, when, how and what kind.
This article isn’t here to tell you what to do or how to do it perfectly. Instead, it offers gentle guidance on recognising when professional help might be useful and how to encourage it in a way that feels respectful and supportive.
Let’s take a closer look.
Table of Contents:
Understanding BPD and the role of support
BPD is a mental health condition that affects the way a person relates to themselves and others. People with BPD often struggle with emotional regulation, self-image, fears of abandonment and unstable relationships. But everyone experiences these things differently. What feels overwhelming for one person might not for another.
While support from friends and family can be incredibly helpful, there are times when professional help is the most useful — and safest — option.
That might include help from:
- GPs
- Therapists
- Psychiatrists
- Crisis teams
- Support groups or community mental health services
But knowing when it’s the right time to gently nudge someone towards that kind of support can feel tricky. So how can you tell?
Signs that it may be time for professional help
You don’t have to be a mental health expert to notice when someone you care about seems to be struggling. Here are some signs that might suggest professional help could be a good next step:
Emotional distress that doesn’t go away
We all have bad days, but if someone is feeling constantly overwhelmed, sad, anxious or hopeless, and these feelings don’t ease over time, it might be time to talk about extra support. People with BPD can experience intense emotions, but if it’s getting in the way of daily life, it may need more than self-help.
Harmful behaviours
This could include things like:
- Self-harm
- Risky behaviours (substance use, unsafe sex, reckless driving)
- Suicidal thoughts or actions
- Eating problems
- Severe dissociation
If any of these are happening, it’s important not to ignore them. Professional help can provide safety plans, therapeutic strategies and sometimes urgent care to keep someone safe.
Isolation or withdrawal
If someone with BPD begins pulling away from everyone, stops doing things they used to enjoy or starts shutting out support completely, it might be a sign that they’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed. While giving space is sometimes helpful, persistent isolation can be a red flag.
Struggling to cope with daily life
When things like getting out of bed, going to work, eating or managing responsibilities become too much, it might be a sign that someone needs more structured support. This doesn’t mean they’re “failing” — just that their brain is trying to cope with too much at once.
You’re feeling out of your depth
Sometimes, you might realise that the support you’re offering isn’t enough, or that it’s affecting your own mental health. That doesn’t make you a bad friend, partner or family member — it just means the situation might need more than you can give alone.
How to start the conversation
So you’ve noticed some worrying signs and you’re thinking of suggesting professional help. But how do you bring it up?
Here are some gentle tips to make the conversation feel more supportive than scary.
Pick a calm moment
Try to choose a time when you’re both feeling relatively calm. It’s much easier to have this sort of chat when emotions aren’t running high. You might start with something simple, like, “Can we talk about something I’ve been thinking about?”
Focus on how they feel
Rather than diving in with what you’ve noticed or what you think they should do, start by asking how they’re feeling. You could try:
- “You’ve seemed really low lately — how are you doing?”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been going through a tough time. Want to talk about it?”
Let them talk, and really listen. You don’t need to fix anything — just show that you care.
Use “I” statements
This is a simple way to avoid sounding like you’re blaming or judging them. Try saying things like:
- “I’ve been feeling worried about you lately”
- “I care about you and I want to help if I can”
- “I wonder if speaking to someone might help you feel a bit more supported”
These kinds of statements keep the tone warm and open.
Suggest, don’t push
If the person you’re talking to isn’t ready to seek help, that’s OK. The goal isn’t to force them into anything — it’s just to plant the seed. You might say:
- “No pressure at all, but I can help you find someone to talk to if you want”
- “Would it help if I came with you to your GP?”
- “It’s totally up to you — I just want you to know you’re not alone in this”
What kind of help is available?
If the person is open to getting support, it can be useful to know what’s out there. Here are a few options they might consider:
Talking therapies
In the UK, common options include:
- Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT): Designed specifically for BPD, this helps people learn skills to manage emotions, relationships and distress
- Mentalisation-based therapy (MBT): Focuses on understanding your own and others’ thoughts and feelings
- Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): Helps change unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviours
They can access these therapies through the NHS, privately or sometimes through charities.
GP support
A GP can:
- Make referrals to mental health services
- Prescribe medication if needed
- Offer advice and information
- Monitor their mental health over time
Sometimes just having that first appointment can be a big step forward.
Crisis services
If someone is in immediate danger, don’t hesitate to contact emergency services or a crisis team. In the UK, they can also contact:
- NHS 111 (for urgent but not emergency help)
- Samaritans (116 123, free 24/7)
- Local mental health crisis teams (often through NHS websites)
What if they don’t want help?
It can be really tough when someone you care about isn’t ready or willing to seek help. You might feel frustrated, scared or helpless. These feelings are valid.
Here’s what you can do in the meantime:
Keep the connection open
Let them know you’re there for them, even if they’re not ready to talk. Simple messages, check-ins or spending time together can make a difference.
Offer support without pressure
Try to avoid repeated pushing or ultimatums — this can sometimes make people feel even more trapped or resistant. Instead, remind them gently that help is always an option.
Take care of yourself
Supporting someone with BPD can be emotionally demanding. Make sure you have your own support network. It’s OK to take breaks, set boundaries and ask for help if you need it.
Final thoughts: When to encourage professional help
Encouraging someone with BPD to seek professional help is a brave and caring thing to do. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t always go the way you hope. But your presence, patience and compassion can make more of a difference than you might think.
Whether they’re ready to get help today, next month or next year, knowing someone sees them and believes in their worth can be the first step on the road to healing.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just keep showing up with kindness.
