Music has a way of reaching us when words can’t. Whether you’re feeling low, anxious or overwhelmed, the right music at the right moment can offer comfort, calm or even a burst of energy. You don’t need to know a thing about music theory or play an instrument to feel its benefits.
If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), mood shifts can happen quickly and feel intense. Music can be a gentle, accessible way to help you feel more grounded, uplifted or understood. In this guide, we’ll explore how to use music to manage your mood and support your emotional wellbeing in everyday life.
Table of Contents:
Why music helps your mood
Music connects with the emotional part of your brain. It can stir memories, offer an emotional release, or help you feel less alone. Here’s why it works:
- It activates the brain’s reward system. Listening to music you enjoy releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical linked to pleasure and motivation.
- It regulates your nervous system. Slow, calming music can lower your heart rate and reduce stress, while upbeat music can boost energy.
- It validates your emotions. Sad songs can help you process feelings rather than push them away. Sometimes, feeling seen is all you need.
- It can offer structure. Rhythms and lyrics can help you feel more stable, especially when everything else feels chaotic.
Choosing the right music for how you feel
There’s no one-size-fits-all playlist. The “right” music depends on your mood, your needs, and your personal taste. Try asking yourself:
- Do I want to lean into this emotion or gently shift it?
- Do I need to calm down, lift up or let it out?
- What types of music make me feel safe or energised?
If you feel low or numb
You might want music that gives you a sense of comfort or warmth. Try:
- Gentle acoustic songs
- Lo-fi chill beats
- Piano or instrumental tracks
- Music that reminds you of safe people or times
Or, if you need a little emotional shake, songs with powerful lyrics or build-ups can help bring feelings to the surface.
If you feel overwhelmed or anxious
Try calming sounds with steady rhythms. Avoid songs with sudden changes in tempo or loud, chaotic parts. Helpful genres include:
- Ambient music
- Nature sounds with music
- Soft classical pieces
- Slow ballads with soothing vocals
Breath-focused playlists or guided music meditations can also be useful.
If you feel angry or frustrated
Sometimes you just need to let it out. Music can help you move through intense emotions without hurting yourself or others. Try:
- Rock or punk songs
- Angry pop or rap with empowering lyrics
- Drumming or percussion-heavy music
- Songs that match your anger, then shift into something lighter
Dancing, drumming or singing along can be a safe way to release energy.
If you feel lonely or disconnected
Lyrics that reflect your feelings can help you feel less alone. You might also find comfort in:
- Soulful vocalists
- Emotional movie soundtracks
- Songs by artists who share their mental health struggles
- Playlists from online communities you relate to
Connection doesn’t always need to be in person. Music can be a reminder that someone else understands.
Ways to use music in your daily life
Music can be more than background noise. You can use it actively to change or support your emotional state. Here are a few ideas to try.
Create go-to playlists
Make different playlists for different moods. Having them ready means you don’t have to think about what to play when you’re feeling low or overwhelmed. You might have one for:
- Calming down
- Boosting energy
- Processing sadness
- Waking up gently
- Comfort at night
Give them simple, encouraging names like “Safe Space” or “Mood Lift”.
Build a mood ladder
A mood ladder is a playlist that starts with music that matches your current mood, then gradually shifts to more calming or uplifting songs.
For example, if you’re anxious, you could start with fast-paced but not chaotic tracks, then slowly move to slower, softer ones. This helps your nervous system adjust gradually instead of expecting an instant shift.
Sing along or hum
If you feel stuck in your head, using your voice can bring you back into your body. You don’t need to be a good singer. Humming or softly singing along can calm your breath and soothe tension in your chest and throat.
Bonus: it can also stimulate the vagus nerve, which helps regulate your nervous system.
Move with the music
Dancing, stretching, tapping or even walking to the beat of a song can help release emotional energy. You don’t have to choreograph anything. Just let your body respond however it wants to.
Movement helps when emotions feel stuck or frozen. It can also reconnect you to the present moment.
Use music as a transition tool
Switching between tasks or environments can feel overwhelming. Music can help bridge those moments. Try using a specific song when:
- You’re getting out of bed
- You’re ending work or school for the day
- You’re calming down before bed
- You’re about to go into a stressful situation
Hearing that same song over time can signal to your brain: it’s okay, we’re safe now.
Exploring different types of music therapy
If you’re interested in going deeper, there are structured approaches to using music for emotional wellbeing. You don’t need a formal diagnosis or musical skills to benefit from them.
Music therapy
Music therapy is a guided, evidence-based practice where a trained therapist uses music to support mental health. It can include:
- Songwriting
- Improvisation
- Listening and reflecting
- Drumming or other instruments
Sessions can be one-to-one or in a group. It’s a safe space to explore feelings that might be hard to put into words.
Guided music and imagery (GIM)
This involves listening to music in a relaxed state while a therapist helps you explore thoughts and images that come up. It can bring up deep insights or emotions in a gentle, contained way.
Community music groups
Singing or playing music with others can build connection, confidence and joy. You don’t need to be “musical” to take part. Look for inclusive choirs, drumming circles or mental health music groups near you.
What to watch out for
Music is powerful, but it’s not always helpful. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Be careful with sad songs
Sometimes sad songs feel comforting. But if you find yourself getting stuck in low moods or listening on repeat, take a break. Try switching to something neutral or calming instead.
Avoid music that fuels shame
If certain songs make you feel worse about yourself or trigger self-critical thoughts, skip them. Even if they’re catchy. Choose music that feels kind, understanding or energising.
Don’t force it
If you’re not in the mood for music, that’s okay. Silence or other sounds (like nature or white noise) might feel better. Listen to what your body and mind need.
Tips for making music work for you
- Trust your gut. If a song lifts you up or soothes you, that’s enough. You don’t need a reason.
- Update playlists often. Your needs and tastes change. Swap in songs that reflect where you’re at now.
- Use headphones if you’re overstimulated. They can help you feel contained and block out external noise.
- Try background music for tasks. Instrumental tracks can help with focus or make dull routines more pleasant.
- Share music with friends. Swapping playlists or favourite songs can build connection and help you feel seen.
Final thoughts: Using music to manage your mood
Music won’t magically fix everything, but it can be a steady companion through the highs and lows. Whether you need to calm your nerves, feel less alone or just make it through the next ten minutes, music can help you feel more grounded, more alive and more like yourself.
You deserve moments of peace, joy and connection – even when things feel heavy. So press play, take a breath and let the music meet you where you are.
