Language is powerful. The words we choose to describe people, experiences and mental health can shape how others see them—and how they see themselves. For people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), language can be both a lifeline and a barrier. It can offer hope or feed stigma. This article explores how language affects the way we understand BPD, where stigma comes from, and how we can all do better.
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Understanding BPD: More than just a label
BPD is a complex mental health condition that affects how people relate to themselves and others. Common features include intense emotions, fear of abandonment, difficulty maintaining relationships and a shifting sense of identity. These challenges can feel overwhelming, but they don’t define a person.
Yet the language surrounding BPD often does. And not in a helpful way.
Phrases like “manipulative”, “attention-seeking” or “too intense” get thrown around—sometimes even by professionals. These words are not just unkind. They can be deeply damaging. They create a narrative that people with BPD are difficult or even dangerous. The truth is, many people with BPD are deeply sensitive, caring and capable of recovery with the right support.
So where does this negative language come from?
A short history of stigma in psychiatry
BPD has long carried a reputation within the mental health world as a “difficult” diagnosis. It wasn’t officially recognised until the 1980s, and even then, understanding was limited. Clinicians often felt uncertain about how to treat it. Some saw it as untreatable. That frustration sometimes spilled into the words they used—words that shaped how the public and even patients viewed the condition.
Terms like “borderline” themselves have a complicated legacy. Originally, it was thought to describe someone on the “border” between psychosis and neurosis. That definition is outdated now, but the name stuck. Unfortunately, the confusion around the term has led to myths, misunderstandings and harmful assumptions.
This lack of clarity left space for stigma to grow.
The weight of labels and loaded words
Words like “unstable”, “difficult” or “toxic” might sound small, but they carry weight. They reinforce the idea that people with BPD are unreliable, dangerous or flawed. These labels show up in everyday conversations, in media portrayals and even in therapy rooms.
Some common examples include:
- “Manipulative” – This word is often used to describe someone with BPD who’s struggling to cope. What might be a cry for help or a survival strategy is seen as deliberate deception.
- “Too much” – People with BPD are sometimes described as being overly emotional or needy. This invalidates genuine distress and makes people feel ashamed for expressing feelings.
- “High drama” – Reducing someone’s experiences to “drama” ignores the real pain behind their actions.
Even clinical descriptions can fall into this trap. Diagnostic criteria often focus on symptoms like “impulsivity” or “unstable relationships” without always explaining the context behind them. Without compassion and nuance, these terms can seem cold or even cruel.
The media’s role in shaping public opinion
Media plays a huge role in shaping how we think about mental health. Unfortunately, people with BPD are often portrayed in extreme and inaccurate ways. Think of films or TV shows where a character with BPD is shown as dangerous, manipulative or unstable. These portrayals might be dramatic, but they’re rarely true to life.
Characters with BPD are often women, reinforcing the false idea that BPD is a “female problem” or simply emotional instability. This adds a gendered layer to the stigma, making it even harder for men or non-binary people to feel seen or supported.
It’s not just fiction either. News stories sometimes use BPD to explain criminal behaviour, violence or unstable relationships. This fuels the myth that people with BPD are a threat, rather than individuals in pain who need support.
The reality is that people with BPD are far more likely to harm themselves than others. They often struggle with intense self-blame and shame, not cruelty or danger.
How language affects treatment and recovery
The stigma created by language doesn’t stay in the media. It seeps into mental health services too. Some people with BPD report feeling dismissed or even avoided by healthcare professionals. In some cases, the diagnosis itself becomes a barrier to getting help.
Being told “you’re just being dramatic” or “you’re too complex for treatment” is not only unhelpful—it’s harmful. It can lead to people avoiding therapy altogether or hiding their symptoms to avoid judgment.
On the other hand, using compassionate, person-centred language can change everything. Describing someone as “struggling with emotional regulation” rather than “being manipulative” invites curiosity and care, not blame.
Recovery from BPD is possible. There are effective treatments like dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and mentalisation-based therapy (MBT). But stigma can stop people from even reaching out in the first place. Words really can be a lifeline.
Changing the conversation: what can we do?
We can all play a part in reducing stigma by changing how we talk about BPD. Whether you’re a friend, a professional or someone living with the diagnosis, the words you use matter.
Use people-first language
Say “a person with BPD” rather than “a borderline” or “a BPD”. This keeps the focus on the person, not the label. It reminds us that a diagnosis is something someone has—not who they are.
Avoid blaming language
Instead of saying someone is “manipulative” or “attention-seeking”, try to understand what’s driving their behaviour. Often it’s fear, pain or a deep need for connection. Framing things with empathy helps everyone.
Share stories and challenge myths
If you feel safe doing so, sharing your story can help break down stereotypes. Hearing from real people with lived experience makes BPD feel less scary and more human. You don’t owe anyone your story, but know that if you choose to share it, it can have real impact.
Encourage open, respectful conversations
If someone says something stigmatising about BPD, gently challenge it. Ask where they got that idea. Share what you know. Sometimes stigma comes from ignorance, not malice. Kindness goes a long way.
Support media that gets it right
There are more accurate, respectful portrayals of BPD emerging in books, podcasts and social media. Support those creators. Share their work. The more people see the truth, the faster old myths can fade.
Final thoughts: The role of language in BPD stigma
Language is always changing. So is our understanding of mental health. What matters is that we keep learning, listening and showing compassion. BPD isn’t a character flaw. It’s a mental health condition that deserves respect, support and hope.
We won’t erase stigma overnight, but we can take steps every day to make the world a bit kinder. And it starts with the words we use.
