Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be tough. It affects how you feel about yourself, how you connect with others and how you cope with emotions. If you also identify as part of the LGBT+ community, you might face added challenges around identity, relationships and acceptance.
This article explores how BPD shows up in LGBT+ lives, what challenges might come with it and how to find support if you’re in the UK.
Table of Contents:
Is BPD common in the LGBT+ community?
Research suggests that BPD is more common among LGBT+ people than in the general population. While the exact numbers vary, studies have found higher rates of BPD symptoms in people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
A 2020 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that transgender and gender-diverse individuals showed significantly higher BPD traits than cisgender participants. Another study in the Journal of Psychiatric Research found that bisexual people were more likely than heterosexual or gay individuals to experience symptoms linked to BPD.
Some reasons for this include:
- Higher rates of trauma, especially in early life
- Social rejection or lack of support
- Discrimination and stigma
- Challenges with self-identity
This doesn’t mean that being LGBT+ causes BPD. But it does show that the stress many LGBT+ people face can increase emotional vulnerability, which plays a role in BPD.
What challenges does BPD offer someone who is LGBT?
While everyone with BPD has their own experiences, being part of the LGBT+ community can bring extra layers of difficulty. Let’s take a closer look at four common areas: identity, relationships, substance misuse and discrimination.
Identity
One of the core features of BPD is having an unstable or unclear sense of self. This means your opinions, goals or self-image might shift often.
If you’re also exploring your gender or sexual identity, this can become confusing. You might:
- Struggle to tell what’s “really you” and what’s BPD
- Change how you identify over time
- Doubt whether your identity is valid
- Feel pressure to define yourself before you’re ready
These feelings are common and completely valid. Being LGBT+ doesn’t mean your identity has to be fixed or fit into a box. And having BPD doesn’t make your gender or sexuality any less real.
Relationships
BPD can make relationships intense and unstable. You might fear being abandoned, become very attached very quickly or find it hard to trust others.
When you’re LGBT+, past experiences of rejection or judgment may make these fears worse. You might:
- Worry partners will leave once they know the “real” you
- Feel unsure how to navigate open or non-traditional relationships
- Push people away to protect yourself
- Struggle to communicate your needs
It can be difficult, but healthy relationships are possible. Building trust, setting boundaries and learning emotional coping skills are key – and it’s OK to need support with that.
Substance misuse
Some people with BPD use alcohol or drugs to cope with overwhelming emotions. This is also more common in the LGBT+ community, often as a response to stress, discrimination or social isolation.
You might use substances to:
- Numb emotional pain
- Feel more confident socially
- Escape from daily pressures
- Manage difficult memories or trauma
It’s important to be gentle with yourself if this is part of your experience. You’re not alone – and support is available. Many organisations offer help that’s non-judgmental and LGBT+ inclusive.
Discrimination
Homophobia, biphobia and transphobia can all have a huge impact on your mental health. Discrimination – whether it’s obvious or subtle – can reinforce feelings of shame, fear or not belonging.
For someone with BPD, this kind of rejection can trigger emotional spirals. You might:
- Blame yourself for others’ reactions
- Avoid spaces where you don’t feel safe
- Feel angry, anxious or deeply hurt by prejudice
- Question whether your feelings are “too much”
Trans and non-binary people often face extra difficulties in mental health care, like being misgendered or having their gender identity dismissed. Finding a therapist or service that respects your identity can make a big difference.
What support is available?
You’re not alone, and help is out there. Whether you’re looking for therapy, peer support or just someone to talk to, there are services in the UK that understand both BPD and LGBT+ needs.
Therapy and mental health services
Many therapies can help with BPD. One of the most common is dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), which teaches skills to manage emotions, improve relationships and reduce self-destructive behaviours.
If you’re LGBT+, it’s important to find a therapist who’s inclusive and affirming. When looking for a therapist, you can ask:
- Have you worked with LGBT+ clients before?
- What’s your experience with BPD?
- How do you approach issues around identity and discrimination?
Some services in the UK that may help include:
- MindOut – a mental health service run by and for LGBT+ people
- LGBT Foundation – offers talking therapies, support groups and advice
- Switchboard – provides a confidential LGBT+ helpline for support or referrals
- Gendered Intelligence – supports young trans people and offers education on trans-inclusive care
Your GP may also be able to refer you for NHS therapy, though waiting times can vary. If you’re struggling with a crisis, you can contact services like Samaritans (116 123) or Shout (text 85258).
Peer support and community
Sometimes, the best support comes from people who’ve been there too. Peer groups and online communities can offer understanding, encouragement and a sense of belonging.
You might find it helpful to:
- Join online forums for LGBT+ people with BPD
- Attend local LGBT+ support groups
- Connect on social media (look for BPD and LGBT+ hashtags)
- Follow creators and activists who talk openly about their experiences
Sharing stories – or just reading them – can reduce isolation and help you feel seen.
Final thoughts: BPD and the LGBT+ community
Living with BPD as an LGBT+ person can be full of ups and downs. You might face unique challenges around identity, relationships and discrimination, but you also bring strength, resilience and insight to your journey.
It’s OK to feel confused, to have strong emotions and to need help. What matters is knowing you’re not alone – and that support exists. Whether through therapy, community or small steps towards self-care, things can get better.
You are valid. You are worthy of support. And your identity, in all its complexity, deserves to be respected.
