Social media can be a great way to connect with others, find support and express yourself. But if you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword.
The fast pace, emotional content and constant comparison can trigger intense feelings. That doesn’t mean you have to quit social media altogether. With the right strategies, you can enjoy it in a way that supports your mental health.
In this article, we’ll explore how social media affects people with BPD, signs it might be taking a toll, and practical tips for using it in a healthier way.
Table of Contents:
How social media affects people with BPD
BPD is a condition that affects how you feel about yourself and others. It can cause intense emotions, fear of abandonment, identity struggles and impulsive behaviour. These traits can interact with social media in ways that feel overwhelming or distressing.
Emotional sensitivity
Social media is full of emotional content – happy posts, sad stories, arguments in the comments. If you have BPD, you may find yourself absorbing these emotions deeply. A friend’s vague post might feel like a rejection. A political rant could ruin your whole day.
Fear of rejection and abandonment
BPD often involves a strong fear of being left out or abandoned. Social media can trigger these fears, especially when someone doesn’t reply to a message, unfollows you or seems to be spending time with others.
Even small things like a friend not liking your post can lead to spiralling thoughts: “Did I upset them? Are they pulling away?”
Comparing yourself to others
It’s easy to compare yourself to others online – their appearance, relationships, jobs or seemingly perfect lives. If you already struggle with identity or low self-worth, these comparisons can hit hard and deepen feelings of shame or inadequacy.
Impulsivity and oversharing
BPD can make it hard to pause before acting. This might show up as posting emotionally charged content, reacting strongly to others or sharing things you later regret. While being open isn’t a bad thing, doing it without boundaries can leave you feeling vulnerable or exposed.
Signs social media might be harming your mental health
You don’t have to quit social media entirely, but it’s worth checking in with yourself now and then. Here are some signs that social media might be doing more harm than good:
- You feel anxious, sad or angry after using it
- You spend hours scrolling without enjoying it
- You constantly check for likes, messages or replies
- You feel jealous or not good enough after seeing others’ posts
- You delete and repost content often, looking for validation
- You overshare and feel exposed or ashamed afterwards
- You struggle to sleep because of social media use
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. These feelings are common and valid. The good news is there are gentle, practical ways to make social media a healthier space for you.
Tips for using social media in a healthier way
1. Curate your feed
Think of your social media feed as your personal space. You get to choose what fills it.
- Follow accounts that uplift you: This might include mental health pages, supportive communities, gentle humour or inspiring quotes.
- Mute or unfollow people who drain you: You don’t have to explain yourself or feel guilty. If someone’s content triggers you, it’s OK to take a step back.
- Limit exposure to toxic content: If certain topics or arguments upset you, avoid following accounts that often post them.
2. Set time limits
Spending hours scrolling can leave you feeling numb, disconnected or overwhelmed. Try setting limits that work for you.
- Use app timers or screen time features to limit daily use
- Take regular breaks – even 10 minutes away from your phone can help
- Try a “no phone” rule during meals or before bed
Even small changes can make a big difference.
3. Watch how you feel
Before and after using social media, check in with yourself:
- How am I feeling right now?
- Why do I want to open this app?
- Do I feel better or worse after using it?
If you notice certain patterns – like always feeling low after being online – that’s useful information. It can help you adjust your habits.
4. Post mindfully
It’s tempting to post when you’re upset, angry or hurt. But once something’s online, it can be hard to take back. Ask yourself:
- Am I posting for connection or validation?
- Will I feel good about this tomorrow?
- Can I write this in a journal instead?
If you do want to share, that’s OK – just try to do it from a grounded place. Waiting even 10 minutes can help you decide if it still feels right.
5. Protect your energy
Not everyone online deserves your time or emotional investment. You don’t have to reply to every message, comment or argument. Your energy is valuable.
- Turn off comment notifications if they stress you out
- Don’t feel pressured to explain or justify your feelings online
- Block or mute people who are disrespectful
Boundaries aren’t rude – they’re a form of self-care.
6. Create before you consume
Social media is full of other people’s thoughts and opinions. It’s easy to lose yourself in all that noise. One helpful habit is to create something – even something small – before diving into your feed.
- Write in a journal
- Take a photo just for you
- Draw, sing, or write a short note to yourself
Doing something that expresses your voice can help you feel more grounded before taking in everyone else’s.
7. Connect in real life too
Social media can be a helpful way to stay in touch, but it’s not a replacement for real connection. Try to mix online time with real-world interaction, even if that just means:
- Sending a voice note instead of texting
- Meeting a friend for a walk
- Calling someone instead of messaging
Real-life connections can feel more stable and satisfying than online ones.
8. Take social media breaks
Sometimes the best way to reset your relationship with social media is to step away for a bit.
This doesn’t have to be dramatic or permanent. You could take a break for an afternoon, a weekend or a whole week. Let people know if you want, or just log off quietly.
Use the time to focus on yourself, rest or enjoy other activities. You might be surprised by how different you feel afterwards.
What to do if you slip up
If you post something impulsively, get into a fight online or spiral after seeing a post – don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everyone, especially when emotions are intense.
- Be kind to yourself – you’re human and learning
- Reflect on what triggered you without judgement
- Take a break or talk to someone you trust
- Use it as a chance to learn what works for you
There’s no such thing as perfect social media use. You’re allowed to make mistakes and try again.
When to seek support
If social media is causing distress that’s hard to manage on your own, it might help to speak with a therapist. They can work with you to explore triggers, develop coping skills and build a more secure sense of self.
If you’re not in therapy, look into local services or online options. There are also many peer support communities and helplines that understand BPD and can offer support.
Final thoughts: BPD and social media
Living with BPD can make social media feel intense or even overwhelming at times. But with some gentle boundaries, self-awareness and care, you can create an online space that feels safer and more supportive.
You don’t have to quit completely or follow strict rules. Just try experimenting with what feels good for you. Your mental health matters, and it’s OK to protect it – even online.
