Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intense, confusing and at times overwhelming. Many people with BPD experience emotional highs and lows, fear of abandonment and difficulty with identity. But one symptom that often flies under the radar is dissociation.
Dissociation can feel like being disconnected from yourself or the world around you. It might happen during stressful moments, after emotional triggers or sometimes for no clear reason at all. In this article, we’ll look at what dissociation is, how it shows up in BPD, and how you can manage it with simple tools and support.
Table of Contents:
What is dissociation?
Dissociation is a way the mind protects itself when things feel too much. It’s a bit like your brain hitting the pause button. During dissociation, you might feel numb, spaced out, detached from your body or like the world isn’t real. Everyone experiences it differently, and it can range from mild to intense.
You might have dissociated without even realising it — for example, when daydreaming or losing track of time. But for people with BPD, dissociation often happens more often, and in response to emotional stress.
Types of dissociation
There are a few types of dissociation:
- Depersonalisation – feeling like you’re outside your own body
- Derealisation – the world seems unreal, foggy or dreamlike
- Amnesia – losing chunks of memory, especially during distress
- Identity confusion or shifts – feeling unsure about who you are or like you’re switching into different ‘versions’ of yourself
These experiences can be unsettling, but they’re more common than you might think.
Why does dissociation happen in BPD?
Many people with BPD have a history of trauma, especially in childhood. This might include emotional neglect, abuse, or other painful experiences that taught the brain to disconnect during distress. Dissociation becomes a survival skill — a way to feel less pain.
BPD is also linked to intense emotional reactions. When emotions become overwhelming, dissociation can act as a short-term escape. Your brain essentially says, “This is too much,” and checks out.
Not everyone with BPD dissociates in the same way or for the same reasons. Some people may only experience it occasionally, while others find it happens daily. Common triggers include arguments, rejection, stress, or reminders of past trauma.
What does dissociation feel like?
It’s not always easy to put dissociation into words, especially if it’s been happening for a long time. Many people describe it as:
- “I feel like I’m not really here”
- “Everything looks weird or fake”
- “I can see myself, but I’m not in control”
- “Time skips — I don’t remember what happened”
- “It’s like I’m dreaming while I’m awake”
Sometimes it’s so subtle you might not realise it’s happening until afterwards. You might zone out in a conversation or feel numb during emotional moments. Other times, it can feel like your whole world has tilted, and you’re watching life through frosted glass.
Although dissociation itself isn’t dangerous, it can feel scary and unsettling — especially when it’s frequent or intense.
How dissociation affects everyday life
Dissociation can affect all kinds of daily activities. You might struggle to concentrate at work, remember conversations, or stay connected in relationships. You may even doubt your own experiences or feel unsure about your identity.
In relationships, dissociation can look like pulling away or seeming cold, even when that’s not how you feel. This can lead to confusion or hurt feelings from others. It can also make therapy more challenging, as strong emotions may trigger disconnection during important moments.
Because dissociation can come and go, it’s easy to overlook or misunderstand. People might think you’re distracted, forgetful or disinterested when in fact you’re trying to cope with intense emotions the only way your brain knows how.
How to recognise your dissociation
Learning to spot the signs of dissociation is a big step towards managing it. It helps you understand what’s happening and why. Over time, you may even be able to catch it early and take steps to ground yourself.
Some signs to look out for:
- Losing track of time or ‘zoning out’
- Feeling numb or like you’re watching life from a distance
- Trouble remembering what you just did or said
- Hearing someone talk but not really taking it in
- Feeling like your body or surroundings aren’t real
Try journalling after difficult moments or using a mood tracker app. This can help you notice patterns, such as specific triggers or times when dissociation tends to happen more.
What helps with dissociation?
Dissociation can feel like something you can’t control, but there are small steps that can help bring you back to the present. These tools are known as grounding techniques. They use your senses and your body to reconnect with the here and now.
Grounding techniques to try:
- The 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste
- Touch something textured like a piece of fabric, stone or cold object
- Hold an ice cube, sip cold water or chew gum — anything that gives sharp sensory input
- Move your body: stretch, stomp your feet, or go for a walk
- Say your name and the date out loud or describe your surroundings
- Play upbeat music or use a grounding playlist
The more you practise grounding techniques when you’re not dissociating, the easier they’ll be to use when you need them. You can even build a ‘grounding kit’ with items that help you feel safe and present.
Support and next steps
If dissociation is affecting your daily life, you don’t have to manage it alone. Talking to a mental health professional can help you understand your experiences and find personalised ways to cope.
Therapies that can help include:
- Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) – often used for BPD, includes skills for managing distress and staying present
- Trauma-focused therapies – such as EMDR or sensorimotor therapy, which work with the nervous system to heal past trauma
- Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) – helps you notice thought patterns and stay grounded
You might also find support in peer groups, online communities or self-help books about BPD and trauma. Just knowing that other people experience the same things can be incredibly reassuring.
If someone you care about dissociates, staying calm and supportive makes a big difference. Gently remind them where they are, help them ground themselves, and be patient. Ask them later what helps, and try to learn together.
Final thoughts: Dissociation and BPD
Dissociation is a common but often misunderstood part of borderline personality disorder. It might feel confusing or even frightening, but it’s a response to emotional pain — not a sign that you’re broken.
With time, support and practice, it’s possible to feel more connected, more present and more in control. Your mind may have learned to disconnect to survive, but you can also teach it how to stay grounded and safe.
Whether you dissociate often or only now and then, you deserve kindness, understanding and the tools to help you feel whole again..
