Quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a term used to describe a type of BPD where people tend to turn their feelings inwards rather than outwards. It is not an official diagnosis but is commonly used to describe a set of behaviours within the BPD spectrum.
People with quiet BPD may appear calm on the outside while feeling intense emotional pain or distress on the inside. This can make it harder to recognise or diagnose. It is just as serious as other types of BPD and can have a big impact on daily life.
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Signs of quiet BPD
The signs of quiet BPD can vary from person to person. What makes it ‘quiet’ is that these signs are often directed inward rather than shown to others. You might notice:
- feeling intense anger or sadness but hiding it from others
- blaming yourself when things go wrong
- sudden mood changes that are kept private
- withdrawing from others even when you want connection
- fear of being rejected but not expressing it
- feeling like a burden or that you are ‘too much’
- struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts
- putting others’ needs before your own to avoid conflict
People with quiet BPD might also have a ‘mask’ they wear to seem like everything is fine, even when they are struggling.
Causes and risk factors
There is no single cause of quiet BPD. Like other types of BPD, it is thought to be caused by a mix of factors:
- Childhood trauma or neglect
- Difficult relationships with caregivers
- Genetics or family history of mental health conditions
- Brain differences that affect how emotions are processed
- Ongoing stress or major life changes
Having these risk factors does not mean someone will definitely develop quiet BPD, but they may increase the chances.
Getting a diagnosis
Quiet BPD can be harder to diagnose than other types of BPD because the signs are often hidden. Many people with quiet BPD may be misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression.
A diagnosis is usually made by a mental health professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They will talk with you about:
- your thoughts, feelings and behaviours
- any past trauma or difficult experiences
- how long symptoms have been happening
- how symptoms affect your daily life
You do not need to have all the signs to get a diagnosis. If you think you might have quiet BPD, it is OK to ask for help.
Treatment options
There are effective treatments for quiet BPD. With the right support, many people find ways to manage their symptoms and feel better. Treatment might include:
- talking therapies – such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
- medication – not for BPD itself, but to help with symptoms like anxiety or low mood
- peer support – talking with others who have similar experiences
- self-help tools – like journalling, mindfulness or learning coping skills
Treatment should be tailored to your needs. You might need to try more than one approach to find what works for you.
How to support someone with quiet BPD
If someone you know has quiet BPD, your support can make a big difference. You can help by:
- listening without judgement
- encouraging them to talk about how they feel
- learning about quiet BPD so you understand it better
- offering practical help, like going to appointments together
- looking after your own wellbeing too
It is OK not to have all the answers. Being patient and kind is often the most helpful thing you can do.
Summary: What is quiet BPD?
Quiet BPD is a form of borderline personality disorder where emotions are turned inwards rather than expressed outwardly. People with quiet BPD may appear calm while dealing with intense inner distress.
Common signs include self-blame, hidden anger, mood swings and withdrawing from others. It is often linked to early life experiences and can be hard to diagnose.
With the right support and treatment, it is possible to manage quiet BPD and live a fulfilling life. Talking therapies, medication and self-help tools can all play a role.
