Teenage years can be a rollercoaster. With all the emotional ups and downs, it can be hard to know what’s typical and what might be a sign of something more serious. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) often begins to show up during adolescence, but it’s not always easy to spot.
Not familiar with borderline personality disorder? Read our article: What is BPD?
If you’re a parent, carer or even a teenager yourself, understanding the early signs of BPD can help you make sense of confusing behaviours and take steps towards support and recovery. This guide breaks down what to look out for in a clear, compassionate way.
Table of Contents:
Why BPD often starts in the teenage years
BPD doesn’t usually get diagnosed before the age of 18, but many symptoms first appear in adolescence. This stage of life involves major changes – physically, emotionally and socially – so it makes sense that underlying struggles might start to come to the surface.
Research shows that spotting signs early and offering the right kind of support can help prevent symptoms from getting worse. It can also give teenagers a better chance of building healthy coping skills as they move into adulthood.
Early signs to look out for
So, what might BPD look like in a teenager? Everyone is different, but there are a few common patterns to watch for. These signs might not always mean someone has BPD, but they are worth paying attention to if they seem intense, long-lasting or difficult to manage.
1. Intense and changeable emotions
Teenagers with BPD often feel emotions more deeply than others. They might go from calm to furious in a flash, or suddenly spiral into sadness that seems to come out of nowhere.
It’s not just mood swings, which are common in teens. These emotions can be overwhelming and hard to explain. For example:
- Feeling empty or numb for long periods
- Intense anger over small things
- Sudden emotional breakdowns that seem out of proportion
2. Fear of being abandoned
A strong fear of being left or rejected is one of the clearest signs of BPD. A teenager might be terrified that friends or family will leave them, even if there’s no real reason to think that.
This fear can lead to clingy behaviour, constant reassurance-seeking or even pushing people away before they can leave first. You might notice:
- Big emotional reactions when plans change
- Struggles with breakups or falling outs
- Extreme panic when they feel ignored
3. Unstable relationships
Relationships can be intense and stormy for teens with BPD. One day, someone might be their best friend, and the next day they’re “the worst person ever”.
This black-and-white thinking (also called “splitting”) is very common. It can show up as:
- Falling out with friends often
- Idealising people, then suddenly hating them
- Finding it hard to trust others or feel secure
4. Identity struggles
Adolescence is when most people start figuring out who they are. But for teenagers with BPD, this process can feel even more confusing.
They might not have a strong sense of self and could seem like a different person from one day to the next. Signs can include:
- Constantly changing appearance, style or interests
- Not knowing what they believe or what matters to them
- Saying they feel like they don’t exist or don’t know who they are
5. Risky or impulsive behaviours
Teenagers with BPD might take more risks or act without thinking through the consequences. This can be a way to cope with emotional pain or feel a sense of control.
Look out for:
- Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
- Reckless driving, shoplifting or unsafe sex
- Bingeing on food, alcohol or drugs
It’s important to remember that these behaviours aren’t just about being rebellious. They often come from deep emotional distress.
6. Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Sadly, self-harm is common in teenagers with BPD. This can include cutting, burning or other forms of hurting themselves.
They might say things like “I wish I wasn’t here” or “No one would care if I was gone”. Even if it’s not a direct threat, these comments should always be taken seriously.
If you’re worried about someone’s safety, it’s OK to ask them directly. It won’t put the idea in their head – in fact, it might help them feel less alone.
What causes BPD in teenagers?
There’s no single cause of BPD. It usually develops through a mix of genetic, environmental and emotional factors. Some common influences include:
- A family history of BPD or other mental health conditions
- Early trauma or neglect
- Ongoing stress or emotional instability at home
- Being highly sensitive or reactive by nature
Importantly, no one is to blame. Understanding the causes can help with healing, but it’s more important to focus on what the teenager needs now and going forward.
When to seek help
If you’re starting to notice some of the signs above, it might be time to reach out for support. BPD doesn’t go away on its own, but with the right help, teenagers can learn to manage their symptoms and lead full, happy lives.
You might want to talk to:
- A GP or mental health professional
- A school counsellor or wellbeing team
- A trusted adult who can help take the next steps
Try not to wait until things reach a crisis point. Early support is one of the best ways to make things easier for everyone involved.
Tips for supporting a teenager who might have BPD
Whether you’re a parent, teacher or friend, here are some simple ways you can help:
Stay calm and patient
Teenagers with BPD might test boundaries or say hurtful things when they’re upset. Try not to take it personally. Staying calm and consistent helps build trust.
Set clear, kind boundaries
Boundaries aren’t about being strict or controlling. They help teenagers feel safe. Be clear about what’s OK and what’s not, and always follow through with kindness.
Listen without judgement
Let them talk without jumping in to fix things. Even if you don’t understand how they feel, showing that you care can make a big difference.
Encourage healthy coping skills
Help them find ways to manage their emotions – like art, music, journaling or talking to a therapist. Mindfulness, movement and creative outlets can all be helpful.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone with BPD can be draining. Make sure you have your own support, whether that’s friends, a therapist or a support group. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Treatment options for teenagers with BPD
While there’s no quick fix for BPD, therapy can be life-changing. Treatments that work well for teens include:
- Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) – this helps with managing emotions, coping with stress and improving relationships
- Mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) – this focuses on understanding your own and others’ thoughts and feelings
- Family therapy – this can help improve communication and reduce stress at home
- Medication – not a cure, but may help with symptoms like anxiety or depression in some cases
The earlier therapy starts, the better the long-term outcomes are likely to be. With the right help, recovery is absolutely possible.
Final thoughts: Spotting the signs of BPD in teenagers
Teenagers are complicated – that’s part of what makes them wonderful. But if you’re noticing signs that go beyond the usual growing pains, it’s OK to pause and pay attention. BPD can feel scary and overwhelming, but with understanding and support, teenagers with BPD can go on to lead fulfilling and connected lives.
The most important thing? Keep the conversation open. Let your teenager know they’re not alone, they’re not broken, and things can get better.
