We’ve all had those moments where emotions bubble up in unexpected places. Maybe you’re on a crowded train, in the middle of the supermarket or sitting in a work meeting, and suddenly you feel your heart racing or your mind spiralling. For people living with BPD, these experiences can feel even more intense and harder to manage.
This article offers some gentle guidance on how to manage emotional overwhelm or panic when you’re out and about. These ideas are not one-size-fits-all, and what works for one person might not work for another. Take what feels helpful and leave the rest.
Let’s explore some ways to ground yourself, soothe big feelings and make it through tough moments in public with care and kindness.
Table of Contents:
Understanding emotional overload and panic
What emotional overload feels like
Emotional overload can come on suddenly or build slowly over time. You might notice:
- Racing thoughts or a foggy head
- A tight chest, fast heartbeat or trouble breathing
- Feeling like you’re going to cry, shout or run away
- Going numb or shutting down
- Feeling like everything is “too much”
For people with BPD, emotional sensitivity is a core part of the condition. This doesn’t mean you’re weak or dramatic. It means you feel things deeply, often more intensely than others. That can be overwhelming, especially when you’re in a public place with no safe space to retreat to.
What panic feels like
Panic can sometimes show up alongside emotional overload, or it can strike on its own. It might feel like:
- A rush of fear out of nowhere
- Sweating, shaking or dizziness
- Feeling detached from your body or surroundings
- Thinking something bad is about to happen
These sensations are scary, but they’re not dangerous. Your body is reacting as if there’s a threat, even if you’re physically safe. The goal is to signal to your nervous system that it can settle down.
Step one: Notice what’s happening
The first step in managing a big emotional wave or panic is to notice it’s happening. This might sound obvious, but it can be easy to get swept up in the storm without realising what triggered it.
Try to gently name what you’re feeling. You don’t have to fully understand it in the moment. Something simple like:
- “I’m overwhelmed right now”
- “I’m starting to panic”
- “My feelings are really big and that’s OK”
Saying this to yourself (out loud or silently) can help create a bit of space between you and the feeling. You don’t need to push it away or get rid of it. Just noticing it with curiosity and care can be calming in itself.
Step two: Ground yourself in the present
Once you’ve recognised what’s happening, the next step is to ground yourself. This means bringing your attention back to the here and now, rather than spiralling into fear or emotion.
Here are a few simple grounding techniques that can be done quietly in public:
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique
This is a popular method to help you reconnect with your senses:
- 5 things you can see – look around and name five things you can see
- 4 things you can feel – notice four physical sensations (e.g. your feet on the floor, the texture of your jumper)
- 3 things you can hear – listen for three sounds around you
- 2 things you can smell – if you can’t smell anything, think of a smell you like
- 1 thing you can taste – or think of a favourite taste
Doing this slowly can help pull your attention away from racing thoughts or feelings.
Use temperature
Changing your body temperature can help snap your system out of panic or emotional overwhelm. Try:
- Splashing cold water on your wrists or face (if there’s a nearby loo)
- Holding a cold drink or bottle against your neck
- Chewing gum or sucking a mint to create a cooling sensation
This activates your dive reflex, which can lower your heart rate and signal safety to your body.
Focus on your breathing
Your breathing is always with you and can be a powerful anchor. You don’t need to control it – just notice it.
If you can, try slow, gentle breaths. For example:
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
- Hold for 2 counts
- Breathe out slowly through your mouth for 6 counts
Do this a few times. It can help your nervous system switch from fight-or-flight mode to rest-and-digest.
Step three: Get through the moment
Once you feel a bit more grounded, it’s time to think about what you need next. This doesn’t have to be a long-term plan. It’s about getting through the next few minutes or hours in a way that feels doable.
Step away if you can
If it’s possible, excuse yourself for a moment. You might say:
- “I just need a moment to myself, I’ll be back soon”
- “I need some air”
- “I’m going to pop to the loo quickly”
This can give you space to breathe, reset or use some of your grounding tools without feeling watched.
Use an anchor item
Some people find it helpful to carry a small item that reminds them they’re safe. This could be:
- A smooth stone or crystal
- A soft piece of fabric
- A scented hand cream
- A fidget toy
Holding or touching something familiar and soothing can help you feel more in control.
Use distraction (if it helps)
Distraction isn’t avoidance – it’s a tool. If your feelings are too intense to sit with right now, it’s OK to gently shift your focus. Try:
- Listening to a calming playlist
- Reading something on your phone
- Counting backwards from 100 in threes
- Playing a puzzle or game app
You’re not running away from your emotions – you’re giving them a moment to settle before facing them later when you’re in a safer space.
Step four: Be kind to yourself after
Getting through a wave of panic or emotional overload in public is an achievement. You might feel shaky, tired or even embarrassed after it’s passed. That’s completely normal.
Try not to criticise yourself for how you reacted. Your brain and body were doing their best to protect you.
Instead, offer yourself some warmth. You could say:
- “That was tough, but I got through it”
- “I did the best I could with what I had”
- “It’s OK to struggle – I’m still worthy of care”
If you can, take some time later to reflect on what happened. You might want to jot down what helped, what didn’t and what you’d like to try next time. This isn’t about blaming yourself – it’s about learning what support you need when things feel intense.
Step five: Plan ahead for next time
Emotional overload and panic are unpredictable, but there are ways to feel more prepared. You don’t need a perfect plan – just a few tools in your pocket can make a big difference.
Build a grounding kit
This could be a small pouch you carry with items like:
- A grounding object (stone, fabric, etc)
- A calming scent (like lavender oil or a scented wipe)
- A reminder card with grounding steps or affirmations
- Chewing gum or mints
- Headphones for calming music
Knowing you have this with you can be reassuring, even if you don’t use it every time.
Let someone know your plan
If you regularly spend time with someone you trust, let them know what helps when you’re overwhelmed. You could say:
- “If I start to panic, it helps if you remind me to breathe”
- “Sometimes I need to step away without explaining”
- “If I go quiet, I’m not ignoring you – I just need space”
Having someone in your corner can ease the pressure to manage everything alone.
Practice when you’re calm
Grounding techniques are most helpful when they become familiar. Try practising them when you’re feeling OK, so they’re easier to remember in the moment. Even a few minutes a day can build that muscle.
Final thoughts: How to manage panic or emotional overload in public
Feeling overwhelmed or panicked in public can be incredibly difficult, especially when you live with BPD. But you’re not weak, broken or a burden. You’re a human with a sensitive system trying your best to navigate a loud and often overwhelming world.
Learning how to manage these moments doesn’t mean you’ll never struggle again – but it can make the waves feel a little less scary. With time and practice, you can build tools that help you feel more safe, steady and supported, wherever you are.
And remember – needing support is never a failure. You deserve care, especially in the moments when it feels hardest to give it to yourself.
Need urgent help?
If you’re in crisis or feel unsafe, it’s OK to reach out. In the UK, you can contact:
- Samaritans – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)
- Shout – Text SHOUT to 85258 for free mental health support
- NHS 111 – Call 111 for urgent health advice
You are not alone, and help is available.
