Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is often misunderstood. It’s a mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels and relates to others. But thanks to dramatic headlines, outdated stereotypes and general confusion, there are still a lot of myths floating around.
Let’s clear up five of the most common myths about BPD and replace them with facts that help build better understanding and support. Whether you have BPD, know someone who does or just want to learn more, this article is for you.
Table of Contents:
Myth 1: People with BPD are manipulative
Why this myth exists
One of the most damaging and long-lasting myths about BPD is that people with the condition are manipulative. This idea often comes from a misunderstanding of how people with BPD cope with overwhelming emotions and fear of abandonment. Certain behaviours, like urgent texts or extreme reactions, can be mislabelled as attention-seeking or controlling.
What’s really going on
People with BPD feel emotions more intensely and for longer periods of time than others. When someone with BPD feels abandoned or rejected, it can trigger panic and deep emotional pain. The actions that might seem manipulative to others are often desperate attempts to feel safe or stay connected.
Calling someone manipulative ignores the genuine distress they’re experiencing. It’s more helpful to see these behaviours as a call for help rather than a calculated move.
Myth 2: BPD only affects women
Why this myth exists
For years, BPD was thought to be a condition that mainly affected women. This was partly due to biased research and the way BPD symptoms were diagnosed. Emotional expression in women has often been pathologised, while similar behaviours in men may be overlooked or diagnosed as something else, like antisocial personality disorder.
What the research says
BPD affects people of all genders. Recent studies suggest the rates are more balanced than once believed, but men are still underdiagnosed. This could be because they’re less likely to seek help, or because their symptoms present differently.
For example, men with BPD might show more aggression or substance use, which could lead clinicians to miss the emotional struggles underneath.
Understanding that BPD isn’t gendered can help everyone get the right support and challenge old stereotypes.
Myth 3: People with BPD are dangerous
Where this idea comes from
Media portrayals of BPD often focus on extreme and sometimes violent behaviour. Films and TV shows sometimes depict characters with BPD as unpredictable, dangerous or even villainous. These portrayals don’t show the full picture and can cause fear or stigma.
The truth behind the myth
In reality, people with BPD are much more likely to hurt themselves than others. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are sadly common, often because of the intense emotional pain they experience. But this doesn’t mean they’re violent or dangerous to those around them.
It’s important to separate the condition from the way it’s portrayed. With the right support and understanding, people with BPD can lead fulfilling, safe and meaningful lives.
Myth 4: BPD can’t be treated
The roots of this myth
In the past, some mental health professionals believed BPD was untreatable. This belief came from a lack of research, poor understanding of the condition and frustration over how complex it can seem. As a result, some people with BPD were turned away or told there was no hope.
Why it’s wrong
Thankfully, things have changed. There are now several therapies proven to help people with BPD. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) is one of the most well-known and effective treatments. Others include mentalisation-based therapy (MBT), schema therapy and transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP).
With the right treatment, many people with BPD see huge improvements in their symptoms and quality of life. Recovery may not mean the condition disappears entirely, but it does mean living well with it.
Hope and healing are absolutely possible.
Myth 5: BPD is just being over-emotional
A common misunderstanding
Because BPD involves intense emotions, it’s often brushed off as someone being overly sensitive or dramatic. People might say things like “You’re too much” or “Just calm down” without realising the depth of what the person is going through.
This kind of reaction can make someone with BPD feel ashamed, dismissed and more isolated.
What’s really going on
BPD is more than strong emotions. It affects self-image, relationships, impulse control and thinking patterns. People with BPD often struggle with a constant sense of emptiness, fear of abandonment and rapid shifts in mood or identity.
These aren’t things someone can just “snap out of”. The emotional reactions may seem big, but they come from real pain and brain differences that affect emotional regulation.
Recognising BPD as a serious and complex condition helps create more empathy and less judgement.
Living with BPD
It’s not all bad news
It’s easy to focus on the challenges of BPD, but people with the condition also tend to be deeply empathetic, passionate and creative. Many have a strong sense of justice and care deeply about the people around them.
It’s true that life with BPD can be tough, but with the right support, people can thrive. Therapy, self-care, supportive relationships and sometimes medication can all play a role in managing symptoms.
What you can do
If you think you might have BPD, or know someone who does, learning more is a great first step. Try not to rely on media portrayals or assumptions. Listen to real stories, read trusted sources and reach out for support if you need it.
If you’re a friend or family member of someone with BPD, your understanding and patience can make a huge difference. Learn to set boundaries while also offering compassion. Remember that your support can be part of their healing journey.
Final thoughts: 5 myths about borderline personality disorder
BPD is one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions, but that’s starting to change. By busting these common myths, we can move away from stigma and towards greater compassion and understanding.
The more we talk openly about mental health, the more we give everyone a chance to feel seen, supported and understood. And that’s something we all deserve.
